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Russ Parr Horrorscopes

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It’s time for another reading of the “Daily Horrorscope,” where Alfredas keeps it real by telling every astrological sign the harsh truth about themselves for today’s date of April 29, 2022:

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Need the cliff notes? Check them out below:

Aries: Bad timing. If you’re standing in line at the drugstore, and they’re telling you all they got left is magnums. And just as you’re asking if they could check in the back for some smaller tour to find this woman in the world join the line.

Taurus: You know, you’re racist. Why are you applying for a job at BET?

Gemini: If your dreads smell like armpits, you’ll even notice this…

Cancer: Your new man understood that you know you are a package deal. Until you realized you never pluralized the word “child” when you asked if you had any kids.

Leo: You want to go to the police academy as soon as you’re released from prison?

Virgo: You might not be up to this whole parenting thing. If you’re always yelling at your newborn are always waking you up.

Libra: Putting a padlock on your refrigerator when you know your crazy uncle is coming over is wrong. But so necessary to lock them out.

Scorpio: You’re at your new man’s house for the first time you asked if he has kids because of the twin bed in his room.

Sagittarius: Your mom just found your stash of weed. And she says she is gonna just throw it away. Your mom was lying.

Capricorn: your grandma was wrong for taking your kids to the zoo. And just letting them run loose in a monkey cage.

Aquarius: You’re over 40 If you pull a hamstring after doing the shoot dance for seven seconds, you need to stretch.

Pisces: Is anybody gonna tell your crazy uncle to stop wearing speedos to the public pool? Scaring everybody…

READ MORE STORIES ON BLACKAMERICAWEB.COM:

Russ Parr Morning Show’s Daily Horrorscope For April 29, 2022  was originally published on blackamericaweb.com